fremont coffee

First, Linds: I love you too! Spontaneous coffee dates that turn into deep discussions about the mysteries of life are what make my life worth living.

To the rest of you, allow me to give you just a little taste of the topics we covered over the best lattes in Fremont. Forgive me, because I am about to get Meyers-Briggs-y on you.

Last time we took the Meyers test, Linds and I both fell into what they call the ISFJ category. Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging. Without explaining the entire theory behind the test, suffice it to say that ISFJs tend to think logically, literally and concretely. At the same time, we are sensitive to our own feelings and the feelings of others, making us "nurturers." ISFJs (and Linds, this may describe me more than you here) tend to crave one things above all else: security.

Not only do I crave it, I live and breath it. I cannot function apart from it. I think and speak and act based on what I accept to be true, unchanging, stable, secure. I give the most value to relationships that are most stable: family, close friends, significant other. I take their presence in my life as a given. I work tirelessly to instill a sense of security in other relationships, constantly initiating coffee dates or doing favors for people.

But the truth about life is that nothing is totally secure. Families change shape. Friendships come and go. Our idea of Truth can even change the more we learn. These things are ok. Healthy. Good. Not, as I sometimes choose to believe, completely catastrophic.

I am thankful for you, Lindsey. I don't just love you because you are a steadfast friend, but because you remind me that, no matter what's around the corner, life is beautiful now. Transitory, unstable, insecure, terrifying, and so so beautiful.

I think I better take the Meyers Briggs again, because I may have just become an INFP...

Love,
Stacey

good days.

i just want to say/

     i love stacey. and 

i love spontaneous adventures. 

 \and i love freemont coffee. 

life is good. 

peace.

linds 

another look.

i just re-read what i wrote and thought: "why do i focus on the bad things?"

so, in response- i want to clarify that the dish is a great place and i was there with one of my favorite people. 

my solution to being let down: remember the good that comes out of things that don't go the way you want them to. 

solution 2: become an optimist.

jk- i don't know if that will happen... 

what i really wanted were crepes...

well. 

stace and i tried to get crepes wednesday morning at anita's crepes on leary but alas, our dreams were crushed as we read: open at 10am. we resorted to the dish next door. 

it was satisfactory but to be honest not what i wanted. 

i was thinking just now about getting what you want. we always have in mind something that we want; something that will make us happy. and all the time, it feels as if those things don't happen and we're let down. not that the pancake and egg i had was bad, it just wasn't the desired. 

this leads me to think that if we have in mind what we want, we can't ever be happy or satisfied with what we are dealt. even if what we are given is good, will it make us happy? would stacey and i eating crepes that morning really have made my day? i will never know. but i do know that forming expectations of what i "need" usually lets me down in one way or another. either i don't get what i want or it wasn't as good as i thought it would be. 

how can i live without expectations? do i need to? i want to live and expect nothing. be surprised. be excited. i want to live with abandon and joy. bring me into that way of living. this way: at peace with the way things are.

man! i still want crepes... i guess i'm not there yet.

Linds and I tried Portage Bay Cafe for breakfast. Here's what you should know: the food is amazing. Organic, fair trade, and all the other adjectives that impress Seattleites. I had a scramble with chicken sausage, mushrooms, spinach, and asiago. So good! Lindsey had a bowl of porridge, filling and delicious... "just right," as Goldilocks would say. The coffee is great, the atmosphere is fun and modern. The only Achilles heel we could see was the service. Our waitress was... shall we say... cold? She forgot some of the things we asked for, didn't apologize, didn't even smile. I was actually a little frightened! Anyway, it was odd but not enough to spoil our experience of the place. And, to be fair, I went back recently with my parents and the service was much better.

And now, here's a question: Do people change? It's a question that's been bothering me for a while now. Some would say they don't, at least not in the ways that matter. For us to expect that they will is foolish. But what about choice? Is it true what Dumbledore tells Harry Potter at the end of The Chamber of Secrets... that there is light and dark inside all of us and it's our choices that make us good or bad? Let's say, for the sake of argument, that there's someone I was very close to, someone I trusted and knew really well. One day, this person does something I was sure they would never do. And, almost overnight, this person becomes someone else... someone I don't know at all. Did they really change, or was this stranger inside all along?

Here's what I have concluded thus far: on the deepest level, maybe we don't change. What does change, however, is what we wear on the outside. I think I'm realizing that I don't want to be the kind of person that does a sudden about-face. I want the people I love to know me on the deepest level... the level that doesn't change.

So, the internet, I pose these questions to you. What do you think?

Love,
Stace